| the avenue |
[Nov. 15th, 2009|10:22 pm] |
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i feel i am so close to walking with old memories, its very dangerous for a girl in my mindset. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 12th, 2009|10:28 pm] |
hey,
i know you're busy, i just really want to talk to you.
i've been having the weirdest dreams lately.
i've been thinking about you a lot lately.
i miss you, ever so much everyday.
please just say hi back. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 20th, 2008|11:26 pm] |
everything happens for a reason. i have to keep telling myself that. but i don't think it's helping. this was one decision i couldn't make. still can't even though i did. i royally fucked up, or i made the right choice.
and my cat is so fucking weird. she just climbed up on my back and is sitting there. what will she do when i sit up?
i feel like my world has gotten so small overnight.
in an instant i lost my best friend.
i think i know what i did was right, for me, at this time in my life. but its hard. i miss everything so much and would love to just call or step back in time and erase it.
but i can't give in right? that would just cause so much pain all over again.
i'll stop crying eventually. i really need to do homework and not fail some classes.
i do love you, and hope someday you will be able to talk to me again. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 9th, 2008|11:24 pm] |
r.i.p. Fontana Moon
i will miss you |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 17th, 2008|11:00 pm] |
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tell me i'm crazy. Tell me i'm so stupid and out of my head. Why is this happening so much to me. I mean i've gotten over this before, many times before. Why is it happening so often? why am i so scared of commitment. i dont want to loose him, he's been my friend since day one. i know he's not the one for me. is this why? well then why the f am i thinking about him instead all the time. I dont actually... i dont know. i guess im just a horrible person when it comes down to it. ah. and i feel that i cant talk to anyone about it. im scared of being by myself, i guess when it comes down to it. i just hate being trapped. and for what, a ho hum existence. He doesn't understand my life. he gets pissy when we dont see each other, but frankly, what filming does, what being on set does to me is so... i don't know, it's love. I get to energized, so excited about projects. about building stuff, painting things, creating things. i want to be able to share that with someone when i come home at night. not just feel like i was talking to much. he doesnt care and isnt interested in film. He cares greatly about me, and i care for him. its just film is so much a part of my life, and a part of me, its just getting harder the further i go. And friends, i have so many, and he so few. I want to spend time with everyone i love, and he just has me. i ughhh.... im jsut stressed right, this is all just rambling. ill forget it in the morning. just sitting with him on the train, him not talking to me, just bored as ever staring off into space. I care about him, i do. I just wish he was different in some aspects. but i know thats wrong to want to change a person, and i know it will never happen. i just dont know what to do at this point. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 3rd, 2008|08:28 pm] |
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death by broadcast. fucking a. i just wanna curl up and cry. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 19th, 2008|12:07 am] |
no creepy man actor, i am not Greek.
i am so frustrated with this film. i guess its just the circumstances. ive never been this not excited about anything. i just hope it gets better, to be worth my time. i mean, i am missing the lake house for this.
Whomp whomp. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 2nd, 2008|04:46 pm] |
they don't love you like i love you.
sunday june 1st 2008 was the best day i've had in a long time. despite the fact that i lost my voice the previous day and sounded like a mouse all day, it was great.
my parents came down and gave me a table and chairs and a microwave. along with cookies from gray harvest bread. yummy. then i went over to gabes. the boys were drinking their beer and their whiskey on the roof top and there was a giant chubby chocolate lab there too. so great. we basked in the sun for a few hours and then proceeded to get on the bus to go to division fest.
the moment we got to division fest, we went straight to the almost front of the stage and right then Gil Mantera's Party dream started playing. it was beautiful. he had fangs. there was synthesier pop. and the 2nd to last song they played, my all time favorite, a cover of Kano's One Life. so great. i swear, go see this band if you ever get a chance. they are mad crazy ballers. such a great experience.
once their show ended, we got in the front row. just in time for TED LEO and the PHARMACISTS. yay. i havent seen them since october, so this was way overdue. the set was so great, we rocked it out.
the weather was so nice and we had a big dinner of hawaiian sweet bread butterfingers and pizza once we got back from the show. i swear that day is going to put me in a good mood for a few weeks. yay.
seriously. see gil mantera. |
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| everybody needs a sunday somedays |
[May. 7th, 2008|11:02 pm] |
will i ever sleep again?
or have time to relax? ahhhhhhhhh.
pick ups? move? test shoot? editing lab?
i need a whambulance. and some answers to this marine biology final. yikes. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 30th, 2008|03:14 pm] |
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I HAVE A HOME! and it's rockin. and its perfect. y'all should come and party there. just saying. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 21st, 2008|11:25 pm] |
anyone gots a spare TV from the 1960's they wanna give me?
i love you nana. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 14th, 2008|11:25 pm] |
in two weeks, i'll kinda sorta have a life again.
i need a place to live!
i need to not live with these people. anymore.
ahhh no food no sleep and no time to even do homework.
oh this film better turn out good! i know it will. we just gotta get done building. fast.
and im stoked about that indie film this summer. the director is so nice.
yay life!
and LOVE!
yay! |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 2nd, 2008|10:45 pm] |
we won TAKE ONE film festival!!!!
i am so proud. and happy and joyous.
we won. AH.
and wet is almost done shooting - its going places. hopefully to cannes short film corner just like eyelids!
all of this ending an already fabulous day where i got to be a zombie in a film.
Also, on friday i'm dying in this film. i get beaten in the head with skilet i thinks. NICE.
and i had thai food from my fave restaurant.
AND i dressed a set this morning.
and ummm 2 shoots in a weekend, plus prop house hunting and a target trip with kevin.
i also really like this one song by rilo kiley.
the end.
best day yet this month! happy april! |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 31st, 2008|06:15 pm] |
try telling me off
like i'm not worth the breath im breathing.
damn i want to write something real for once. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 15th, 2008|11:11 pm] |
you thought you would never dance again.
i hardly ever cry. but today the tears won't stop coming. i dont even know why.
i feel so sick and so tired. and i hurt.
all i wanna do is be next to you. always. i can't wait for the lazy days of summer. endless hours of warmth, maybe even too much warmth.
i need your arms around me |
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| if you are what you say you are |
[Feb. 23rd, 2008|07:08 pm] |
then have no fear.
i don't have any words left to say what this feels like.
i need spring.
i need sleep.
i need sunshine.
i need a day off from everything, from everyone.
i can see the bright lights and colors in my future, i just need to get there. push through. break through.
some spring cleaning.
on another note, don't be grumpy or down on yourself. you played amazing last night, you are a very talented young man. and i'm sorry i'm the way that i am. that i have less and less time for you. i wish i could give you all of my time, but i can't. thanks for understanding. you keep me sane and make me very, very happy. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 23rd, 2008|01:49 am] |
its crazy how things change so fast.
my roomies are all back. i no longer live alone.
school starts oh so soon, i really am not looking forward to this stressfull semester.
i had the scariest dream last night. i think that's my biggest fear. realizing how much i actually care for you, and how afraid i am of loosing you. maybe i should tell you this. i guess i dont want to admit that you've got me. or admit that i love waking up in your arms. or the fact that i can't wait to see you again as i walk home from your place. this is one thing i dont want to change. |
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| money! |
[Jan. 10th, 2008|12:29 am] |
i haven't been this happy in a long time.
it's great to have you as my best friend.
so if any of you are bored please check out my boys:
www.myspace.com/gabriellyonmusic
and if you live in or close to the chi, come to their show jan 17th at the subterranean 8pm. 7 bucks. hell of a good time. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 4th, 2008|12:36 am] |
well alright, so you're a model from france, i'm a clerk from rhode island, can i get in your pants?
SO excited. so excited. |
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| 2007 |
[Dec. 28th, 2007|06:11 pm] |
i haven't written in a while. i mean like really write. i don't tend to pour my heart out anywhere or to anyone. i just got done reading all my small random writings from the past school year. (good stuff)
theres a lot about that one starry night.
stuff would make a good story.
but its my life, so no.
my wife yelled at me for not having a journal as she read me pages from our adventures this summer.
"hang out with becker, outside"
this year is almost over, i can tell that 2008 is going to be very different.
i'm having trouble writing everything that's on my mind. maybe i should start a journal.
dear 2007,
Thank you for giving me a wonderful year. Started you off in Belfast with all the loves of my life, and i took you along my path of learning and movie making. Summer was the best thing, full of great memories and lake houses, and lots and lots of beer. Thanks for the safe home and network of friends i've found in chicago, they mean the world to me. Thanks for virgin. Thanks for dinosaur wizards. Thanks for rooftop parties. Thanks for amazing roomies. I enjoied every minute of you 2007.
love, elly |
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thaikitty's journal